Is Marriage about Love?

The controversy about same-sex marriage churns principally around the definition of marriage.  Activists deny the traditional view that marriage is about children.  instead, marriage is an ever-changing, socially-constructed institution constantly being redefined by society.  There is no essential connection with children.  Rather, at the core of the enterprise are two people in love.

Understandably, love is a predominant theme in discussions about marriage.  “As long as people love each other,” one person asserted, “it shouldn’t matter whether they are the same sex. What’s important in marriage is love.”
Initially, this seems hard to deny.  In our culture, love is often the immediate motivation for marriage.  On reflection, though, it’s clear that love and marriage don’t always go together.  In fact, they seldom do.

If marriage were about love, then billions of people in the history of the world who thought they were married were not.  Most marriages have been arranged.  Love may percolate later, but only as a result of marriage, not the reason for it.

Further, if love were the sine qua non of marriage, no “for better or for worse” promises would be needed at the altar.  Vows aren’t meant to sustain love; they are meant to sustain the union when love wanes. A pledge keeps a family intact not for love, but for the sake of children.

The state doesn’t care if the bride and groom love each other.  There are no questions about a couple’s affections when granting a license.  No proof of passion is required.  Why?  Because marriage isn’t about love.  Ask any married person.  It’s about a commitment that is supposed to deliver stability for families.  That’s what society is really interested in because that’s what ensures the continuation of a society.

Since, love may be the reason some people get married, but it isn’t the reason for marriage. It may be a constituent of marriage, but it isn’t the purpose of marriage.  Something else is.

Koukl, G. (2013, April 9). Is Marriage About Love? Stand to Reason. Retrieved February 8, 2014, from http://www.str.org/quickthoughts/is-marriage-about-love#.UvaVN15n_J8

What is "Love"?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: "What does love mean?" The answer they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca (age 8)

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy (age 4)

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Karl (age 5)

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy (age 6)

Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri (age 4)

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny (age 7)

Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss! Emily (age 8)

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby (age 7)

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate. Nikka (age 6)

Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Noelle (age 7)

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy (age 6)

During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. All the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. Cindy (age 8)

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare (age 6)

Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine (age 5)

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris (age 7)

Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann (age 4)

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren (age 4)

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. Karen (age 6)

Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross. Mark (age 6)

You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica (age 8)

And the final one -- author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge a contest to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said: Nothing, I just helped him cry.

The Bible's Love

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:4-7, Christian

Last Time I See You Fall Asleep

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to stop and say I love you, instead of assuming you would KNOW I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything just right. There will always be another day to say I love you, and certainly there's another chance to say our Anything I can do? But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, that you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear take time to say I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, or it's okay. And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. Unknown author

Love Me or Leave Me

Love me or leave me, tell me no lies. Ask me no questions, send me no spies. You know Love's a thief, steal your heart in the night. Slip through your fingers, best hold on tight. Motorhead (a rock/metal band)